Camp Hardwood Day 9: Karma Payment Plan

Day Zero

Day One

Day Two

Day Three

Day Four

Day Five

Day Six

Day Seven

Day Eight

BBWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAWWWWAAAAAAA…pffftttWWWAAAAAAAAA

I woke up. Gingerly got out of bed. Neither me nor Cameron made eye contact. I'm not sure what would have happened if we did. 

When I was sure no one was paying me any attention, I took a look at my balls, and they were pretty swollen and a strange color that I didn't like to look at. It made me feel even worse. I put them away before anyone saw anything. I didn't want to have to talk to anyone.

Breakfast ended, and none of us boys said anything. That was when I remembered that the girls are going to get to pick the activity after breakfast was over. It was a very sudden realization, and it made my vision and insides go all screwy. It made me push away the plate and nearly faint. I was feeling so terrible already, and then I just remembered that it's very likely going to get so much worse. God knows what the girls were going to have in store, and I was in no shape to bend to their abuse. I was sick, sad, and already defeated. I wanted to vomit.  

Soon, time ran out and we were asked to gather got the activity. It felt like a death march for us boys, and I was sweating as we walked to wherever we were supposed to be. 

"So... we talked about it..." A twin spoke.

"...And we decided... to have a contest..." The other twin continued.

"Yaayy..." I heard sarcastically. Think it was Tim. 

"You're excited too!? I almost couldn't sleep, it was like Christmas Eve!” Monica said, blinded by excitement. “We're going to figure out which of us girls is the strongest!"

"Huh?”

"Yup. The 4 of us girls are going to compete." A twin said.

"That's much less... painful... than I thought it was going to be." Aaron said, sounding relieved. For a moment, I held his sentiment. 

"Oh, no. It's still going to be painful. We're going to see who has the strongest kicks!"

"Noooo..." I moaned, defeated. 

"Yes! All 4 of us going to get one kick, on each of you boys. In your balls, of course." 

"Why!? Why our balls..." Tim asked, reasonably. 

"Because! We need some way to measure our power, and your balls are like nice little cushions for our feet!" A twin replied. 

"Our balls are like cushions?" Cameron whined. I didn't want to look towards him, but I didn't need to look, to know how he looked. I've been around him enough to be able to imagine. 

"They are! They are just, so much fun!" Monica cheered. 

"Plus, this way, you guys can accurately judge which of us has the strongest kick! If they're so sensitive, you guys can totally tell any bit of force difference, right?" A twin reasoned. 

"This is so exciting!" Said the other.

"I can't wait!" Monica said.

I could wait. I could wait a long time. I held my balls with delicate care, wondering if this will be the last time I’ll be able to feel them in tact. Four kicks? One was so crippling, and that's when they felt regular. I felt more and more sick the more I thought about this. I thought maybe I should say something. I was absolutely terrified, honestly. 

But, I didn't want to be the only one to say something. Everyone else looked to have already accepted this. I mean, they looked worried too, I could tell that they were concerned. Tim even asked earlier, why our balls. And how can you not ask that? We were just told that we were going to take four kicks to the balls, and each kick wants to outdo the lat one. There's no way you don't get terrified of that.

All four of us were holding our crotches. It was like we all thought this might be the last time we'd have anything between our legs. But, we all seemed to have accepted this. And if no one else was going to fight this any further... I didn't feel like starting the fight. Not with how I was feeling. Things could still get so much worse, if I fight this. 

So, I stood there, praying that someone would have the balls to save our balls. But, no one stepped up, and our balls were on the line. The girls were excited, and they couldn't wait to get into it. It went like this:

One girl went at a time. First was Monica. She kicked all 4 boys, then came Bethany. Kicked all four, then Diane, and finally Hana. First to be kicked was Cameron, then Tim. Then me, and finally Aaron. Cameron was wearing tight light jeans, Tim was wearing grey sweats. I was wearing grey sweats too, and Aaron was wearing green shorts. 

The four of us lined up, side by side and in the order of our demise. It was time to start.

"Let's get this over with." Cameron boredly stated. He seemed removed. Still looked fine, the jeans looked great on him, his shirt was fit, and his face as always, was handsome. But his mind was elsewhere. Part of me wondered where it was.  

Cameron spread his legs, and Monica took stance. She sent a decent kick between Cameron's spread legs, but not hitting with very much power. Cameron grunted and doubled over, with his hands covering his crotch. He took a couple steps back and moaned painfully before dropping to a knee and coughing. But that was basically it.

"Damn... Gotta kick better next time." Monica said.

"No, I think you're okay. You'll win for sure if you keep that up!" One of the twins said sarcastically.

"I agree, keep everything like that." I added seriously. If I got a kick like that, I might be able to crawl out of this without losing my kids. I began to consider if I actually wanted kids. 

Next was Tim. Tim spread his tree trunks, and Monica sent a much better kick to Tim's balls. It was louder, quicker and more painful. Tim instantly grunted and dropped to his knees with his hands in front of his crotch. Tim whined as he bent over, but was just able to keep from rocking on the floor at first. 

"Ohhhh Fuck me..." Tim said, as he tensed. That kick really got to him. 

Then without warning, Monica kicked me between my partially spread legs, causing me to fall instantly to the floor. As if between my legs was a special button that pulled my legs out right from under me, and Monica just slammed it with authority.

I was unsure what just happened, but then the pain grew and grew until it was all I knew.

When I looked up in agony, I saw a silhouette of what I'm sure was Monica staring down at me, smiling. I'm sure that kick had some extra evil intent behind it. I laid my head on the floor and just stared blankly as the pain colored everything with a dull fire that was absolutely suffocating. 

That was the first kick. I was in store for 3 more kicks, each of them going to try to out-power the other. That thought didn't even cross my mind until after the pain turned down to an understandable level. By this point I got on my knees and let out a wheezing moan before I tried to stand up. I struggled, but did it. I stood bent over, one hand nursing my balls, the other over my belly, as I was barely able to fight through the pain. I could hardly see,  it was terrible. My hazy eyes glared towards Monica, and then I saw her looking at Aaron. I followed her foot as it darted through the air, crashing into Aaron's testicles. 

When I saw and heard the kick connect, it hit me really hard too. I turned and fell to a knee. 

She must've been waiting for me to get ready before she kicked Aaron. There's no way I got over that kick in any less than 5 minutes. But she knew it might hurt me more to see her kick Aaron too, so she did it. 

Hearing Aaron scream out hurt too, and it was really sickening. But, I couldn't help but watch the chaos unfold. Chaos isn't the right word. This, is expected and a natural reaction. But, it feels like a car crash, but more sickening. 

He had a hand buried in his green shorts as the other barely held him up as he was dragging down on his knees. His head pushed into the floor, and he flipped over with his eyes shut. Pain was everywhere on him, and it radiated from him. I was getting sicker by the second, I had to look away.  

Monica seemed pleased with herself.

"I think I did okay. Got Cevin really good, but I everyone else was okay. Show me how it's done Beth."

Now it was... Beth's turn. I had every confidence in this half of the twins to be merciful and kind. 

That was sarcasm. Obviously.

Bethany stood forward and waited in front of Cameron. I, still on a knee, watched from my angle. Cameron sighed and shook his body as he held onto his package with a worry I knew too well. He spread his legs, nodded his head, and waited as he moved his hands to his side. 

Bethany didn't make him wait long, and sent a punt with determination. Cameron yelped as contact was made, but it wasn't louder than the thud that pulled his legs off the ground. His tight jeans rose with him and showed off his ankles. Cameron and landed on his knees, and I could hardly hear the sound of his dying breath. His hands held his face off the ground, but he slowly sank. His mouth was wide open as his lips quivered and weak noises continued to leave his mouth. His head was tilted towards my side of things and his eyes looked lost. He was staring into space, lost in the pain that has become his whole universe. That kick was so brutal. It did not help things at all. I fell to both knees and leaned over, ready to hurl. 

When I glanced out of the corner of my eye despite my best attempts of looking down, I saw Cameron pulling himself around on the floor. It was terrifying. It's like Bethany had total control over Cameron's body, and he was just helpless. A rag doll with feelings and human parts. 

I was not looking forward to taking a kick like that. I didn't think I could handle it.

"That was a sssolid kick!" Alexa said, chuckling.

"Yeah. Really got him good." Diego added.

"I'm proud of that kick. Looking to refine it with a few more tries." Bethany said. I opened my eyes and looked at her admiring her own leg. Like an artist admiring her paint brush. And our balls are the canvas. Or, pallet, or whatever. She moved over towards Tim and motioned for him to get ready.

Cameron was still struggling on the floor as Tim spread his legs. And with effortless grace, the artist painted a painful picture, pulverizing Tim's plums. 

Tim's extra large bulge flattened with a smack, and he instantly let out a painful yelp. Tim instantly dropped to the floor, then sprang back up, and started jumping around. Erratic behavior, kickstarted by an artists stroke. Tim jumped around, muttering under his breath, hands buried under his sweats. After a bit of time, he just sank to the floor and rolled on his back, kicking the ground.

"Jesus Christ..." Bethany said laughing. "... I must've got him really good."

"Yeah, I've never seen a guy react like that before." Diane said.

"Beth, you're making my kicks look like they were playful!"

"That's because they were girl! You'll get here with some practice though." Bethany said with confidence. I looked back at Tim, and he was in the fetal position. He was gritting his teeth, strong muscles bulging harder than normal. I never grew tired of watching that strong black boys body tense and try to prove its power after using what makes him so strong against him as his one weakness. In the moment, it wasn't the prettiest of sights, because I knew it was about to happen to me. But looking back afterwards, I really appreciated every instance. I don't know what that says about me. 

Bethany walked up to me and waited for me to move my hands from my crotch and get up. I tried to rise, but it was like a dam of agony broke inside me, and I couldn't stop myself from bending over and crying out. It was terrible, but I knew I was being waited on. I didn't want to, I know once I feel okay enough, it's going to get so much worse. I didn't think I could handle this, but I didn't think I could say no.

"Come on Cevin, hurry up! You're making me wait!" Bethany said. 

"I'm going to come over there and pull you wide open myself, if you don't let her go Cevin." Monica said, and it really made me feel like I didn't have a way out. Fighting would make things worse. And, honestly, I think a part of me knew I deserved this. I think I had this coming. 

"You can stay on your knees. Just give me a clear shot!" Bethany said. I felt her pull on by shirt. I groaned but managed to push up. 

Quickly, and with the help of Bethany, I was upright and my hands were held over my head. I tried my absolute best to fight through and not bend over, but I was weak, and I couldn't stay upright. But, my hands were up and legs were spread. Despite my falling frame, Bethany managed to swing in and make contact with what she wanted to. I instantly felt the contact, and pulled over so quickly, I do not even remember doing it at all. It was contact, then I was curled up and writhing in the worst agony I could imagine. I felt this immense pressure build up inside me, and I tried to gag to let it out. But, nothing came out. It didn't settle until a long whiles afterwards either. 

I was barely able to survive the excruciating pain. My balls felt broken, burning as they completely consumed my entire world. There's no describing how that felt, and it was absolutely traumatizing. 

Soon into this experience, I found myself rolled onto my side, facing Aaron as he was too was rolled into a ball. His hands were buried in his crotch with his feet towards me. I could see his hands desperately searching for help between his legs. I knew the feeling, but I knew he'd find no relief. He flopped and kicked on the floor, in a similar state to me. It didn't make me feel better, but it was somewhat comforting to know that I'm not the only one who's having an agonizing experience. A sense of comradery, I guess. It was very subtle though. It didn't help. 

When I could, I looked towards the girls, and saw it was Diane's turn next. I barely pulled my head turned to see Cameron, who's supposed to be first. He was standing, hands on his knees. Breathing slowly and in obvious pain. Tim was sitting down, holding his balls in a delicate cup.

"I'll wait before I go. I'll let you guys feel up to it."

"Bless your heart..." Cameron said in a weak voice.

"Booooo..." Monica chimed in.

"You're absolutely no fun." One of the twins said. "How are we supposed to pass the time until the boys feel ready?"

"I don't know. Maybe keep on looking at your leg in awe. Maybe you should name it." Diane said, somewhat bitterly.

"Whatever." The twin said. Probably Bethany. "You're just jealous because you know you've no chance at winning."

I stopped paying attention and appreciated the small break we've been given. I stayed on the floor, curled up, and softly crying. I had to hide my face. I did not want anyone to see. 


Slowly, things felt less intense to me and I stopped sniffling. I felt able to stand up. Everyone else was already standing.

"Are you guys ready?" Diane sweetly asked.

"No, not really... but go for it." Cameron said with pain in his voice. He spread his legs and waited. I saw that his face and eyes were red too. I don't know how the girls see that and don't feel bad for him. 

Diane breathed out and tried to prep herself up. She aimed her kick, softly brought it up to where she wanted it to end up. She seemed a bit nervous.

"Relax Diane, you got this. Just kick him as hard as you can, you can't mess up." Alexa said reassuringly.

Diane nodded and pushed her glasses up. Cameron stood sturdy, waiting for Diane to play her part. Diane looked at Cameron's face, then looked down his body. From his red hair, down to his green eyes resting along his handsome, but distraught, young face. Down his narrow neck, leading to his strong chest and broad shoulders. Below that, his firm body was hugged by his white shirt. Next was his tight jeans that made the disconnected adolescent look all that. No matter how I feel, I will always appreciate the beauty of a human being. It's just natural.

Diane nodded her head, took a step back and looked ready to strike. She reared her foot back, let out a yell and sent a screaming kick into Cameron's jean-clad bulge with a thud. Cameron's arms crossed in an X in front of his jeans and he doubled over and and made a series of pained noises that he tried to keep inside. I saw his face look like it was about to be sick, as his legs crossed, he shook, barely on his feet, then fell to his knees. 

A low "Mmmmm..." vibrated from his mouth as he fell over onto his side, curled up.

"Damn girl, I didn't think you had it in you." A twin stated.

Cameron started coughing up his breakfast. Loud hacking pushed out of his body by the sickening pain overwhelming him. I felt really bad for Cameron. I watched him moan in a ball, kicking his legs.

"Cameron, how was that?" Monica asked.

Cameron didn't make a noise. Poetic silence.

I looked back up at Diane. She's looking down at Cameron, somewhat worried. Worried that she just broke this boy.

"I'm sorry, I feel terrible!" Diane said concerned towards Cameron.

"Don't be!" A twin said. "If you keep this up, you can win!"

Diane turned to the twin and seemed unsure. "But, it hurts them so much..."

"And? If they weren't meant to be messed with, mother nature wouldn't have put their balls in such an easily accessible and vulnerable position." The other twin added.

Not sure I agree with that, but it was an interesting thought. It does have some merit the more I think of it now though. Evolution and shit right? But the idea clicked with Diane. She instantly seemed relieved, and less worrisome. Cameron hardly moved from his ball, probably entirely unaware of the twin justifying the agony he's in.

"I guess that makes sense. Plus, the boys have gotten hit in their balls the entire camp. If it was an issue, they'd do something about it, right?" Diane added.

"Exactly. Maybe they like it! In which case, that's more reason to kick them as hard as you can!" Monica contributed.

I looked over at the counselors. Alexa was grinning, Diego seemed a bit uneasy. And Josh looked in like he was somewhere else. None of them added anything more then their own facial expressions.

I looked back, and saw Cameron crawl up to his knees. He let out a moan and sat back on his feet, while on his knees. He extended his body as he could, and let out another painful noise while laying back on his legs. It was an awkward position, but anything to pull away from the pain. His then pushed up, and flipped onto his front as he whimpered weakly. There wasn't much he could do, it's out of his control. 

"I did not expect your kick to be so painful..." Cameron barely groaned out. I wouldn't even be too sure of that, I was barely able to both hear and watch through the pain I was feeling. 

"Neither did I! I guess I'm a natural." Diane said with much more clarity and confidence. 

"Whatever, let's just get this over with. I don't want to hear you guys talk about kicking nuts." Tim spread his legs, not wanting to delay the inevitable. 

Diane walked up in front of Tim. She naturally got into position and screamed, aimed and fired her foot like a cannon into Tim's large black balls for the 3rd time. That constrained act of aggression naturally vibrated his sweats and the surrounding area. I felt it, it was obviously on the mark and it was absolutely sickening.  

Tim pulled his hands into his fun pouch, his legs pushed up and then he fell to the floor in one motion. The motion itself was somewhere between graceful and miserable, but in the moment, it was all misery. He was facing down, making noises that sounded like he was close to vomiting, and writhed like it was the only thing keeping it all inside. 

Then he let out a brutal sounding cry and faced the sky. His cute black face was misshapen, warped by the pain stemming from his testicles, and all of his body in between was getting torn apart. 

Tim rested his forehead on the floor and whined pitifully. It reminded me of what I'm about to face. A motivated Asian girl who's apparently got a kick like an expensive firework. I spread my legs and said

"Come on, I don't want to be reminded of what I'm about to feel."

Diane chuckled and stood to face me. She set her kick up, making sure she hit me exactly as she wanted to. Not that she had to, mind you. 

My balls were still so damn sore, and I couldn't believe how heavy I felt. It's not Diane's fault, but timing has not been my strong suit. I lost our chance to save ourselves because of me and Cameron, then I got my balls bashed in later on, after I earned a beating. And now, it gets capped off with this torture, which is made even worse, because of the sensitivity my earlier punishments left me in. It was a really nasty, poetic irony. 

I stood, partially hunched with my arms over my stomach, waiting. Then, Diane geared back and let out a battlecry as her kick flew through the air, devastating me. My balls smacked against my body and I instantly gasped and collapsed to the floor. It felt like my balls exploded in their sack and it's remnants traveled up my body, lacing my abdomen with torment. I screamed into the floor, kicked the ground, writhed, the whole 10 yards. I was crying, of course.But, I kept my breakfast inside, however. Not that it didn't want to come out however. The kick was nauseating.

I don't know how long I was out of commission, but when I came to, Aaron's already been kicked. He was on his knees, and seemed to already be recuperating. I looked the my other side and saw Cameron with his legs spread. Just in time too, because his jean covered legs weren't spread for more than 2 seconds, due to a thunderous kick that lifted Cameron off the floor. He screeched like a dying animal and fell to the floor, screaming out loud, writhing like his world just exploded. His hands over the bulge in his jeans, twisting. His mouth opened wide in a gasp and his eyes fluttered. Then he let out another cry, this one more pathetic and he rolled onto his side. I stopped watching at this point and just faced down. I hoped if I played dead or something wouldn't have to withstand another kick. Just closed my eyes, tried to block everything out.

It didn't work, as I felt myself get pulled off the floor. I struggled, but followed. When I stumbled to my feet, I looked up at Hana. I could tell that she knew I was on borrowed time, and wasted none of it, seeing me standing up. Instantly, I felt that familial, terrifying pressure attack my crotch and that was it. I couldn't take anymore, that totally decimated me. I still didn't recover from the previous one and this was totally unexpected. Hana's kick hit my right nut dead on, and it's like what I expect a stroke to feel like, if a stroke made you instantly want to die because of the ugly, brutal agony. 

I fell down almost immediately and was almost entirely crippled. Absolutely gutting experience, and I'm never going to forget it. I just remember this purple pulsating vision. I actually couldn't think or see anything else. Just pain and occasional spurts of images, laced with agony. I can't describe it anymore than that. I can't believe I wasn't dead.

When I was finally able to recover thought, the other 3 boys were recuperating. Hands nursing our balls, hoping to massage the ache away soon. One of the twins noticed me stirring.

"Oh look, Cevin's came back around. See, told you he was fine!"

I looked over at them and was barely able to let out. "I am not fine...", as I felt the need to double over. "...I'm fucking dying..."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. It's time to decide who had the hardest kick!" A twin spoke.

"The last one." I said instantly without looking up.

"What?"

"The last one. Whoever was last to kick had the hardest kick."

"That'd be me!" Hana said. "I knew I was bound to win!"

"There's still 3 other boys to give the right answer. Boys?" 

"Uhhh...Diane..." Tim, probably, moaned from the side.

"Yeah!" Diane said, excited.

"Okay, it's tied, one - one. What about you two?"

"Hana, for sure. Dude, that kick made me feel so much worse, I thought you honestly broke them." Aaron said sadly.

"Yeah, Hana." Cameron painfully stated.

"YEEESSS!!! I WON!!!" Hana proclaimed with pride. Hana has been crowned as the winner. Yaaayyyy...

There was other words exchanged, pleasantries, and whatever. I had no interest in it and just existed as a being of agony and disappointment.

I just existed until lunch. Then lunch came, and I was still in an existence of pain and regret. Wasn't a good last 12-ish hours for yours truly.

Lunch happened and I went back to the cabin to lie down. Tim was lying in his bed, napping. I lied in my bed and took a short nap too. Being able to lie down on a soft surface, with the only goal in mind to relax was something I hoped would help.

I woke up after a bit, didn't wake up feeling much better. Groggy and in pain. I groaned and rolled on my side, forgetting Tim was in the bed next to mine. I jumped a bit at the sight, and made a noise too. Tim turned to face me when he heard me.

"Awake too?" He asked.

"No, I'm sleep talking."

"Don't be a smart ass. I'm not in the mood." Tim said sternly.

"Sorry. I'm not feeling well." I replied sincerely.

Tim nodded. "No shit... I was there too, you know."

I cringed. "Yeah… those kicks were the worst... I don't think I'll ever recover."

"I feel you man. I'm worried about having kids now... at least... you don't have to worry about that, right?" Tim said with a smirk on his face. Made me laugh. I thought that's where I settled too. 

"Yeah, I guess. That's why you should go gay, bro."

"I'll let you know if I do." Said Tim. 

We didn't say anything for a bit. Tim asked me a question to break the silence.

"So... Cevin..." He started off, getting my attention. "...what's with you and Cameron?"

I did not want to talk about that. Not with Tim at least.

I shook my head "... I... don't really know what to say. It's dumb, don't worry about it."

"Well, it's fucking up everything, bro. Cuz of you two, neither of us can move right now. I feel I have to worry."

I knew Tim made a good point. I still didn't want to talk about it.

"I... just don't want to talk about it. I don't think we'll be like that again." I said, hoping that leaves it.

"... Alright... But... us guys should stick together. I got your back bro, let me know if I can help." 

I looked over at Tim. I held eye sight with him. He looked serious, but in a good way. Kinda brotherly, at least I think. I didn't have one, but it's what I expect to get from one. He sat up in his bed facing me. He smiled and it was better than before.

I smiled too. "Thanks Tim. That really means a lot."

Tim smiled and stood up, offering me his hand. I didn't really want to get up, but I felt like I kind of had to. I gave him my hand and he pulled me up. He gave me a quick little hug, pulling my arm in. It was a good moment.

"You good for a quick wrap around?"

I didn't really feel up to walking, but I didn't want to be rude. 

We talked as we left the cabin, and as we got outside, we saw the twins. They joined us, and I was already regretting leaving my bed.

"Cevin and Tim!" One of them said. "How are you guys?"

"Okay. In pain... but okay." I said.

"I'm sure. I would know, I'm the hardest kicker here." Hana said. Sounded like she was rubbing it in her sisters face.

"You are not. They just said that because you were the last to kick them. Whiskers could've kicked last, and they would have said the same thing." Bethany said, somewhat bitterly it felt.

"You're just jealous."

"Whatever. Tim, talk to us."

"If I say no, does that count?" Tim asked.

"Well, you're talking to us right now, so yes."

"No, this is just to understand the rules. We aren't playing yet."

"Oh, this is a game? Cevin, wanna play a game with us?" Hana asked. 

"No! I do not!" I instantly burst out, hurting myself in the process, much to the twins delight. 

"Oh, don't worry! We ain't gonna mess with you today. We got our fix."

"I sure hope so... I blacked out from the pain earlier, that was terrible." I said innocently.

"Damn, did you actually black out?" Hana asked.

"I think so, yeah. After you, dragged me to my feet and kicked me, I just collapsed and remember nothing but purple pain. Then next... memory I remember, you guys were talking about who kicked the hardest."

"Damn. Didn't think I got you that badly... sorry." Hana said, in a moment of sincerity it felt like.

"It's not really okay. And I don't really believe that you're really sorry. But it's passed. Don't mention it." I said, shrugging it off. I put my fist out for a bump. Just to be, something. We're in camp together, I have to play nice. 

Hana bumped, then said "I get it. We think you're alright though."

"Thanks..." I said, feeling alright that things are alright enough. Maybe I'll be safe now. 

It went on for a bit more. It was a nice chat, where we shot some shit and meant well. It was better than before, and I didn't feel that terrible anymore. I had to sit down though. I don't know how Tim was still standing, or feeling well enough to be chatty.

Eventually, Tim and the twins went off to do their own thing. I didn't want to impose, or... 'cockblock'... ugh. Really don't like that word, but I didn't want to interfere. Wasn't sure where they were heading, so I stayed back. Plus, I was still feeling like lying down and waking up when I die. But, before that, I took a look around for Aaron and saw him talking to Cameron. I walked away before either of them saw me. I found a tree and sat under it and thought. Just to myself, thinking for a bit. I didn't want to go back inside, it felt pretty decent outside. Some air was ok for me. But, I got to actually think about what's been going on.

Me and Cameron when we left the cabin. How I reacted, and how it made Cameron react himself. The fight that came after, the... whatever Cameron did. I remember me mentioning that exact thing when I was going off on a twisted rant after I kneed Cameron in the balls. I have no idea why I did that, honestly. Like, I know it was because I was angry and all, but... why did I have to fucking do that? And to make it worse, I said all of those nasty things when Cameron was writhing on the floor. Then I tried to grab under his shorts and squeeze his balls... I really always do go for the balls. I didn't even mean to hit Cameron there in the actual fight, but it happened. I wish I could've told him I didn't mean to do it before it was too late, but it didn't occur to me in time. And now, I'm fucked. 

Honestly though, I wasn't even sure if what I thought I saw, actually was a thing. It felt like a dream when I saw it. I would've convinced myself it was a hallucination or something, if there wasn't the evidence on my face when I came to. It doesn't matter anyways, the rest of last night happened, and Cameron couldn't even look at me today. And with good reason, I can be such a terrible, vile person. The fact that I could make someone so sweet and friendly as Cameron, act like he did and do those things, proves how terrible I am, and how I make everything worse. I don't blame Cameron at all for any of what happened, I'd do it to myself if I could. I wish I could've done that to myself earlier, because then maybe I could've avoided all of this, and me and Cameron could've been great together. But, maybe we wouldn't of been anyways. He said those things for a reason. Both what he said last night and the night before. He was just having fun, trying to be nice and he wanted to move on and keep up the good vibes. It's really possible that I just romanticized everything that happened between us. I saw someone who I thought was perfect, and wanted nothing else but them. But, why would someone so perfect want someone like me? I mean I have to live with me, and I can't stand it. Saying and doing most of the things I've done here at camp? I didn't blame Cameron for not feeling the same way about me. It's not his fault. 

But, maybe I should try to be better? Aaron said that I'm not full of myself, I see how things are. I can get better because of that, right? Aaron seems smart, and those words made some sense. I can get better, and then maybe Cameron would see that, and I can win him back. If I even can, of course. But I should try. I felt so awesome when I was around him, and I know there was some connection there. If I can catch those feelings again, get on Cameron's good side, then I can prove that I'm worth having around. I can make it up to him, show him that he shouldn't want to forget me. Because, I really need Cameron in my life. It might be foolish to say, but there's nothing else in my life that makes me feel the way he does, and that's the only thing in my life that I know for a fact. I know that only he can make me feel the way he does. I can't bear the thought of losing it. I needed to hold onto him forever.  Because, with the way I feel about him, how powerful and intense, whatever it is I have for him, it's like, it's become me now. Cameron's a part of me now. I'd be empty without him, without those feelings, those emotions to drive me. And, the more I realized this, the more I think about how important and amazing, and alive he is. The more I can't believe that he doesn't care about me too. Yes, he's awesome, but he wouldn't of done any of those things with just anyone. He wouldn't of picked out a flaming star, billions of light years away and tried to comfort just anyone with it. He wouldn't of given possession of his balls up for just anyone, and he wouldn't of showered like that with just anyone. He's awesome, but he's not a pushover. He's proud, smart and loving. And I make him act so differently sometimes. Because I matter to him too. I have to. Right?

I hoped so. I tried to tell myself that he has to care about me too, because otherwise, I'd have nothing. 

I traveled down these different railroads of thought, into and during dinner. Having Cameron to peek at didn't help guide my thoughts in a good direction. I didn't catch him peeking at me once, and it made me more anxious, the more he didn't seem to even acknowledge me. 

But, good news was that my balls were feeling better. Still aching, and it was impossible to simply ignore it. I couldn't move too much, but I could live with it. I was really worried that they might not feel better earlier, so the fact that I have noticed this terrible pain lowering in intensity, is a good thing. 

Then Alexa got our attention.

“Alright guys! We’re going to play a game! Winner picks tomorrow's activity!”

“Oh my GOD! AGAIN?” Tim yelled out. I felt him on a spiritual level.

“Don’t worry guys…” Alexa laughed, “I think you guys can win this! We’re gonna play charades!”

“Charades! What the fuck!?” Tim yelled, getting some laughter.

“What are we, a middle aged, middle class, white family?” Cameron said, forcing me to hide my smirk.

“I have never been so uninterested in a game in my life.” Monica said boredly.

“Well, what else would you guys recommend?” Alexa asked in good spirits. She found our discontent humorous, at the least.

“Wrestling!” A twin answered.

“NO!” Aaron yelled.

“Yeah, no physical sports…” Josh said.

“Yeah, we agreed that we had to pick something where the boys could actually win, so pick something else.” Alexa said with a smirk.

“Yeah, girls are better at contact sports.” A twin said smiling.

“No, we just got kicked in the balls 4 times today, and that's not even taking into account the previous week of non-stop ballbusting…” Cameron spat.

"Well, that's not all our fault..." A twin said. 

“It doesn't matter, just give us a break... we've been through a lot. Today was scary..." Aaron begged. 

“Ugh…” The other twin let out.

“So? Any ideas other than Charades?” Alexa asked aloud.

“How about Hide and Seek!?” Said Monica.

Hide and Seek? That sounded alright to me honestly.

Alexa nodded and looked around. “How about Hide and Seek?” she asked.

“I’m game.” Tim said.

“Yeah, me too.” Cameron said.

“Sure.” Aaron said.

“Me too!” The twins said at the same time.

“Sounds fun!” Diane said.

Everyone looked at me. I shrugged.

“As long as I don’t have to look for everyone.” I said.

“Sure, we can work that! There isn’t too much daylight left, so let’s figure this out quickly!” Alexa said putting her hands together and rubbing.

So, we decided we’d only have time for 1 game. So, to keep it fair, we had one girl and one boy play seeker, and they had to move together to find everyone else. The girl and boy had to move together, and had to look together.

Monica volunteered herself and Cameron as the seekers. Cameron didn’t argue.

We walked to the ‘arena’ where we played that scavenger hunt game and football. We started at the entrance. We agreed that whoever the last hider is, is the winner. We all get 2 minutes to hide inside the ‘arena’ before the seekers start to, well, seek.

Us boys were still hurting pretty badly, as you could tell by us limping and holding our crotch. But it felt like our spirits were okay despite it. Tim and Aaron at least, seemed pretty okay, considering the expected handicap.

All 6 of us started to find a place to hide inside when we were told to. We all managed to split up, except for me and Tim.

“Dude, go somewhere else!” Tim said, as he looked for a nice bush or a easily climbable tree.

I grunted, but decided to give in. But not before I parted Tim with some advice.

“Yo, take your shirt off!” I said.

“Nigga what? You-”

“They won’t be able to see you if you hide in the shadows!” I hurried out.

Tim looked at me with a wide mouth. Then he began to contemplate. Then he laughed and lifted his shirt off. I smirked as I watched him throw his shirt off to the side. He just stood there in his grey sweats and dark shoes.

“I’m keeping my pants on.” 

“Keep your eyes closed, haha! Good luck!” I said as I limped off somewhere else.

Now, I had to find a place to hide. I looked around for somewhere unique, somewhere they wouldn’t look. The arena was pretty big, lots of bushes and trees. But there wasn’t much else, so we either had to pick bushes or trees to hide in. I wanted to see if there was somewhere they wouldn’t check. I looked everywhere, but all I found was more bushes and more trees.

Eventually, I heard someone a girl yell out.

“READY OR NOT, HERE WE COME!”

I presumed this to be Monica.

I muttered curses under my breath and panicked. I ran along the outskirts of the trees and tried to look for something. Then, I found something.

There was a hole in one of the trees. It was like right below neck level, and it was one of the biggest trees around. The hole wasn't very big, but...

I wondered if there was any animals or nasty feelings inside the hole. I slapped around inside the hole, and slowly touched the wood inside. It was moist, but...

I tried. I went for it.

I put my leg in first, then tried to squeeze my head in. And I squeezed, and squeezed and squeezed some more. The stretch I was in really hurt my balls, so I had a hand cradling them, making it just a bit easier to push myself into the hole. I tilted my head as I kept on trying to fit inside and heard some ruffling of bushes in the background. I started to get scared and really pushed. That was the push I needed.

My head got inside and I contorted myself, somehow, and pulled myself inside the hole. It was moist and uncomfortable. But I felt safe.

I curled myself inside, like a contorted C, found an angle where I don’t think I’d of been seen if they glared at the tree, unless they looked directly inside. I was hoping they wouldn’t look inside.

I even had myself in a way where I could hold my balls. Once I settled in, it was actually kinda comfortable.

Although a bit boring, I found it easy to stay inside that hole. I felt really safe, I didn’t think I’d ever get found.

Then I heard Cameron and Monica talking.

“-emind me of my brother a little bit.” Monica said.

“Do I?”

“Yeah, you do. Both of you are funny, and weird.”

“Haha…”

“Both of you are pushovers too!” I heard as Monica exerted some energy and followed it up with a laugh.

“I’m not a pushover!” Cameron retorted in good spirits.

“Yeah, whatever. You like being made a bitch though, don’t you?” Monica said, as I heard them getting closer.

“Hey! That isn’t true!” Cameron whined in a way. I can't tell if he was being playful, or it actually bothered him.

“Yeah, whatever. You check over there, I’ll check here.” Monica said.

“Alright.”

“See! Pushover little bitch!” Monica said laughing. I heard them giggle, and mess around a bit.

“No, I’m going to check over here! You go over there!” Cameron said in light spirits.

“No you’re not!”

“Yes I-” SMACK “-ARGH...owwww… oh god why…” I heard Cameron moan out.

“Because I said so. Better get used to that, especially if you really do like being a bitch!” Monica laughed out.

Weakly, I heard Cameron whine, “Mmmmhmmm… don’t do that…” I could hear the pain in his voice.

“Oh come on, you don’t have to act like a bitch too!”

“It fucking hurts!”

“Whatever. Check over there, unless you really want it to hurt!” Monica said in sadistic lightheartedness. I could tell she thought it was funny. Cameron moaned in response.

I lied there, waiting in my tree hole. Holding my balls. Hearing that smack hurt me a too. I don't know if I'd be able to get up if that hit me. 

I held my breath, hoping no one would check my hole. I stared at a ray of light coming in like it were an unwanted pest, and hoped that’s all I didn’t want to see. Then something else popped up to block my vision.

Instantly I closed my eyes and didn't open them. I know that the light wasn't hitting me anymore, but I refused to open my eyes. I lied there, as still as I can and oblivious. I didn't want him to see my eyes staring back. 

I lied there, nervous and uncomfortable. There was still no light in there, and I was getting ready to feel his hand on me. I was shaking, I'm pretty sure.

“You see anything Cameron?!” Monica screamed from all the way over there.

I was frozen, and burning, and terrified. Then, I saw the light return, but I still refused to open my eyes. It was too soon.

“No, nothing here.” 

I didn't let the my breath out until I couldn't hear either of them. When I did, it was such a relief. My heart was almost shaking the tree, but I was still in it. I did not want to think about any of that, at all.

I stayed in my hole for some time until I heard some Cameron and Monica come by again.

“Come on, move faster!” Monica pushingly said.

“I’m going as fast as I can, my balls hurt…”

“All because of one slap!?” Monica said.

“Yes! And the 4 kicks earlier, and all the other times you assholes thought it would be funny to hit me in the nuts! They’re really swollen… they keep banging against my legs and it really fucking hurts…”

“Whatever, you can blame Cevin for most of that. Speaking of Cevin, we need to find him and Tim."

"And Diane, too." Cameron added, somewhat annoyed. 

"Yeah, her too. Look over here, I’ll check that side this time.” I heard Monica say.

Things were getting more intense, and I preemptively shut my eyes this time.

“Wait, why do you want to check over there!?” Cameron hollered out. He sounded louder as it went on.

“In case you missed something!” Monica said sounding closer.

“You don’t trust me!?” Cameron said, not too far behind Monica now.

“It’s not that cutie… it’s just-” Monica stopped talking as I felt the light stop hitting me.

I heard a laugh. I knew this was it. 

“Look at what we have here…” 

“W-what?” 

“The hole. You missed someone.” Monica said, matter-of-factly. My eyes were still shut.

“O-oh. I did?”

“Yup. Open your eyes, Cevin!” I heard yelled at me.

I opened them, and saw her smirking down at me. 

"I really wanna see you get out of this." Monica took a step back and gave me some space. But, she still wanted to see me manage this.

I tried to figure out how to, actually. Get out. I didn't consider this when I first got in, or the entire time I was in the tree. I guess I expected I'd never have to leave? 

The more I thought about this, the more I found myself baffled at how I managed to squeeze through this hole to begin with. 

“CEVIN!”

“I… uh, I’m trying!”

I managed a way to move my head around and look directly out the hole. I saw Cameron and Monica staring at the hole. Cameron stood there, a bit guilty like. Monica stood there really confidently, waiting for me to fall at her feet.

I tried to push my head through, but I was having some issues.

“I’m going to go and look for Tim and Diane.” Cameron said, turning away from me. I watched him walk away as I was stuck in my hole.

“Okay. Come on, let’s get you out.” Monica said as she walked to me. My eyes were on Cameron as he walked away. He didn’t look back.

I got my arm through first, then Monica helped pull me through. It was really difficult though, I was really stuck. I thought we’d have to kill the tree after like 30 seconds.

“For fucks sake Cevin, how did you get in here!” She grunted as she tried to pull me out. I grunted as I felt her dislocate my shoulder, but it worked. She pulled me out, and I fell on the floor, specifically my shoulder.  If it was dislocated when she tried to pull me out, it relocated itself when I fell down. 

Naturally, the tumble aggravated my swollen balls, and that was way worse than the shoulder pain. 

It took me a few moments to collect myself, but when I did, I tried to roll about and get up. But my legs were asleep, so I kinda just flopped for a few moments. It hurt my nuts again. 

“Haha, you alright?” Monica laughed, asking what she had to.

“My legs are just asleep… I’m fine.” I said before I looked up. Monica was smirking at me.

“You can find your way out easily, right?” She asked.

I nodded.

“Good. I’ll go catch up with Cameron. You can go where you’re wanted, with everyone else.” Monica said with a heavier smirk. She didn’t have to nip at me like that, but she did, and it did what she wanted it to.

I sat on my knees for a bit before I worked myself up and walked over to the beginning, to signify that I was seeked out of my hiding spot.

When I got there, everyone but Cameron, Monica, Tim and Diane were there.

“Awww they found you?” Aaron asked.

“Yeah. I thought it was a good hiding spot too…” I said with a half-hearted smile.

“I thought so too! I saw you crawl into that hole! I wish I thought of that!”

“You saw me hide in there?” I asked Aaron.

“Yeah, haha! I was hiding across from you, in the bushes. But I saw your hiding spot, and felt like I should’ve looked for a better hiding spot.”

“Where did you end up hiding?”

“In the bushes like 50 feet away haha!” Aaron laughed, and I joined in with him.

It got dark really quickly. The counselors were worried that she'd have to call it. But, before she called it, we saw Diane sulking back.

“NO! DIANE!?” A twin hollered.

“They found me, girls! It’s over!” Diane said with a frown.

“We win!?” I asked, with a spark of happiness.

“Yeah, I think so!” Diego said with a smile.

“YES! BOYS RULE!” Aaron yelled aloud, getting some of us to laugh.

Soon, Cameron and Monica walked out with a shirtless Tim. They confirmed that they couldn’t find Tim.

Tim thanked me for my suggestion.  I told him it was my pleasure.

I don't think anyone gave a thought to what we would pick for tomorrow's activity that night. But we won Hide and Seek! Thank God we didn’t play charades haha.

We headed back to our cabins to end the night. Cameron sat in his bed, and it felt really awkward. I'm not sure if he felt it too, but I did. Neither of us looked at each other. Well, I didn’t see him look at me, at the very least. I wondered if he actually saw me in the tree, but I had to believe if Monica saw me so quickly, Cameron did too. But even if, he ran away when I needed help. Maybe that’s not how he saw it, and maybe I over-romanticized the situation. It made me really hesitant to talk to him. But it stuck with me. 

I thought about him all day, but I didn’t really know what to do with Cameron right there. I know I didn’t want to go up and talk to him about it. I didn’t want to get rejected, and have any of my negative suspicions confirmed. It was easier to keep to myself. Plus, with what happened the last 2 nights… maybe it would’ve just been best to just not talk to each other for a bit. 

I looked to the other side of the room and saw Aaron. I wanted to talk to him, but didn't want to be in the same room as Cameron when I did so. I stood up and walked to Aaron.

"Hey, can you walk?" I asked.

Aaron nodded with a laugh. “Yeah. Just not swiftly.” He said, getting me to laugh.

"Wanna go for a walk?" I asked, really hoping he'd say yes. Aaron picked up on it, and we left the cabin. I was hoping this time, me leaving the cabin with a cute boy would end a bit better.

We walked, pretty slowly for a bit, not saying anything. Let the silence settle in, only sounds were whatever sounds nature wanted to make. I sort of intentionally lead him down the path where me and Cameron ran last night. I kinda needed to revisit it, I think. 

After enough of nothing on either of our ends, "So... what's up?" Aaron asked. I looked at his blue eyes and sighed. I closed my eyes and rubbed my eyelids with my palms.

I didn’t really know how to start, so I just said what sounded natural to me. "Aaron... I... I think everything is fucked up..." I said, feeling my eyes get heavy all of a sudden. 

"Is it with Cameron?" He asked me.

I sniffed and nodded. "I think everything's actually fucked. And I feel really terrible, and scared about it, but also... kinda hopeful and confused?"

I didn't know what more to add, but Aaron waited for me. "...I have no one I can talk to, except for you. And I don't know what to say, or if you can even help, or if I should come to you… but… I don’t know what to do, dude." I said, feeling a tear warm my cheek, where Cameron was last night. 

"Okay, it's okay Cevin. Let's go sit under that tree there, and we can talk about it." Aaron pointed forwards. He pointed at the cherry tree.

We sat down under the cherry tree. I was able to handle my tears alright, but my eyes were still watery. It was hard to keep them clear. 

Aaron's hand brushed my cheek and wiped away what tears he could. "Talk to me Cevin. What happened?"

I nodded. I started talking. I told him everything.

"...So... that's basically it." I finished. I turned to Aaron and he was looking up.

"...This is the cherry tree you mentioned?"

I nodded, looking up. "Looks like it."

Silence for a bit. "...Well... first off... you should not have kneed Cameron in the balls again. And you probably shouldn't of said all those things afterwards either. Honestly, that's... fucked up. But, with that being said, Cameron totally flew off the deep end. And he picked a terrible time and way to cash in his karma payment plan." I laughed at that. "... but I'm talking to you, not Cameron."

"I know, man! I really can't believe I acted the way I did looking back. I look back at so many things here, and I just can't believe that I actually did those things! It's like someone else took control, and just made my life as difficult as possible. But, plot twist! It was me all along!"

Aaron laughed and it made me feel safe and comfortable. "I don't know. I can't believe I did those things... I can't even believe Cameron did them either."

"Yeah, that... whole rubbing thing was very weird. And you said he like hovered over you before he jumped back, right?"

"Yeah, I don't know what that was. Like I said, it might've been me seeing things weird through the pain, but I don't know. He hasn't looked at me today, unless he had to."

"Well... I think, that things are... or, well, can be okay. Between you two, probably? But... you two should maybe, chill for a bit. Let things cool down. But, I think I know Cameron pretty well and I know that he probably feels terrible over what he did to you, and some of the things he said. Honestly, he might be scared, just like you."

"Scared? You think so?"

"Yeah, I think so. You scared him when you said you loved him, right?"

"Yeah, he seemed really... flustered. I guess. It was more shocking though. It really just flowed out of nowhere. It hit us both."

"Well, maybe... you actually having the courage, or lack of restraint, whichever you want to call it, to say it aloud... to say what you both might be feeling... it took him by surprise, and he didn't like it. I don't know. He could also just be scared that you hate him-"

"You think he loves me too?"

"I didn't that!" Aaron replied, pretty quickly. "I said he might be scared of it. But, only Cameron could know, and he might not even know. If you think this is a lot for you, it's probably a lot for him too. You know Cameron, he's a good guy. I mean, look at all he's done, I don't have to tell you. You literally just told me! He's stood up for you, showered with you, gave his balls up for you. The dude loves you, even if he doesn't love you. There's no way he isn't a bit scared about what's happened between you guys."

I thought about it, and realized that's probably true. Even if Cameron doesn't love me, like I love him, he's just scared too. It gave me a strange sense of comfort, knowing that we both share that. 

"Yeah... thanks, I think you're totally right."

Aaron nodded and smiled. "Anytime. Just, give him a bit of space and talk to him when the time is right. I don't think he'll push you away."

"Yeah, of course. I... I don't think I'll ignore him anymore."

"I hope not! There's only so much I can do for you, Cevin!"

Aaron rubbed my hair as he jokingly scolded me. I smiled and rested my head on his body. It’s so weird to think that he’s younger than me. He’s so much wiser. 

"How are you so good at these things?" I asked.

Aaron shrugged. “I don’t know. I think a lot. My mom's a therapist. I watch a lot of TV where I can scream at their stupid decisions. It feels people just ignore common sense, sometimes.”

I laughed and nodded. “Maybe we do. Thanks though.” I said sincerely, hoping he understood how appreciative I was.

"Don't mention it."

"I have to. Thanks, man."

We sat under The Cherry Tree for some time, and it was good. I felt really good on Aaron that night. I really like Aaron.